This weekend, I was ecstatic about finishing up my 3rd week of boxing. I figured “alright, I’m in it now. There’s no turning back, so let’s do this up the right way!”
So I solicited the aid of Nuggets.
For those of you who don’t know, Nuggets is a very good friend of mine who is all … dancey and choreographic… and fit conscious. You know those people who actually make meals with consideration to the food pyramid and… calories and stuff.
Yeah, she’s one of those.
So, I call her up and ask her to take me into her world to get fitness things. And, she was like
…. “sure, okay.” (you should’ve seen her when I asked her to help me meal prep)
I got up fairly early, and decided to head over to Dick’s to try to find some shoes. (I KNOW! I’m like investing in this!)
Dick’s had… well, precisely that.
They had no boxing shoes or wrestling shoes of any kind… so I was sad. Last week, Jamie had debuted some awesome red white and blue shoes that he said he had picked up.
Me: Where did you get your boxing shoes from?
Jamie: Omega Sports in North Hills. I’d call first, though. They’re running low.
Well, as luck would have it, I had to head to North Hills anyway, so Nuggets and I stopped there first. As soon as I walked in, Lee gave me the impression that I had come to the right place. I had to stop myself from running through that store and buying EVERYTHING. But I calmly said
I would like some boxing shoes, please.
He told me that they MAYBE had 3 pairs left, but he would be more than happy to help me out, and he asked me for my shoe size. I met him over on the little bench and had hardly sat down before another young man asked if he could help me (WORLDS difference between the two sales associates I had to track down and hog tie to get some help over at Dicks… but anyway)
Lee came back out with two boxes. One was a 9.5 and the other was a 10.5. He opened the boxes and one was a standard black and white pair (blech) and the other…. was the exact same shoes that Jamie had.
Me: Of course.
Lee: Wanna try them on?
Me: *sigh*… yup.
Me: Why do they fit perfectly?
Nuggets: … cuz.
Me: Why are me and Jamie about to have matching shoes?
Nuggets: Seriously? Could it be any other way?
So, I bought the shoes… AND… they were on sale.
(Seriously though, Lee Hopkins, at Omega Sports in North Hills was everything! And I’m going back for some more Neon Warrior armor!)
So now it was off to GNC. Marine Matt had suggested I go and see George Jefferis for all my supplemental needs. He was really great and helpful as well. He started me off with a multivitamin and some fish oil (cuz my joints … are @$$holes). He said next time, we’d talk about protein.
Looking forward to it, George.
Me: He was cute as hell!
Nuggets: Girl! They are ALWAYS cute at GNC… why do you think I stay fit?!
Me: “Live Well” indeed!
So I felt ready for class. I carefully planned out my outfit and was feeling pretty good.
I. Am. An American Badass!
Oh I looked FANTASTIC! My girl Stones was there… today was gonna be a good day.
Dave walked in, and I wasn’t even phased.
I was ready for Dave.
I picked my spot perfectly. I was next to Stones, cuz she goes hard and every time I stop, I know she’s say “You got this. Keep going.” And I had Justin in my sights, because every time I see him, I hear him say “Breathe.” because apparently… I forget to do that… a lot.
Speed is going very well. Before I know it, the bell rings. I’m really killin it on the bag work. I mean… I’m pacing myself. I’m remembering to breathe, I’m staying in my stance. I have to remember to bring my hands back to my face, but all in all, I’m tearing into these rounds like a beast!
I’m also realizing that, while I brought my stripey socks just to be cute and funny, they actually helped my calves not burn so much. They get added to the shopping list! This class is going fantastic!
Alright! Meet me outside!
I get some water and try to get my mind right. I’ve been losing my most recent battles with Parking Lot. That can’t happen today. I’ve beat it before, and I can do it again.
I can do this.
Alright…. We’re gonna do sprints! Gonna have a relay!
…. I can’t do this.
Body: NOPE!… NOPENOPE
Me: aww… c’mon, don’t think like that! We used to be pretty fast
Body: YEAH! on Track n Field day! that was 24 years ago! Have you seen your knees lately?!
Me: No… we can do this. I have faith in us.
Body: If you won’t think of yourself, think of your poor hips… pounding that pavement like that…
Me: Look. I’m in charge… what I say goes, and I say we’re doing this… it’s gonna be fine.
Stones: I’m gonna go first.
Jenna: You wanna go second?
Me: I absolutely will NOT go second. I’ll go last.
Body: If you sprint up and down this parking lot… we will murder you… in cold blood.
I see Jenna running towards me and I’m already terrified. What if I can’t do this? What if I fail. Worse… what if I fall?!
All of my worst fears were playing out in my mind and then… I felt Jenna hit my hand.
And, I took OFF!
Me: OMG THIS IS AMAZING! I’m doing it! I’m so freakin’ FAST! I’m already at the end. I am one with the wind!
I did it! I sprinted down the parking lot, and back up. and I was so quick! I was so proud of myself! I was so… So….
…. So this is how I die.
Apparently, Dave recognized something in me, cuz he came over to me with the quickness.
It’s alright. You’re okay. Control your breathing.
My whole being, wanted to be flat on the ground, to await that next place. Dave yanked me up by my arm.
Whoa! no no.. stay up. C’mon, let’s walk around. Raise your arms… breathe.
I’m under the stairs, in a corner of bricks and I was making this weird, wounded noise that I’d never heard before. And I realized that I was 30% gagging, 40% crying and 20% hyperventilating. The last 10% was my body trying to come up with a word other than “No.”
Hey. You’re okay. Slow your breathing down. Control it.
No, no Dave!… I’m absolutely not okay.
I’m unconsciously rubbing my chest cuz I can’t think of anything else to do. I cant breathe. My body has betrayed me in the worst way. But, Dave keeps talking to me. He convinces me that I am in fact not going to die today and if I would just slow down my breathing, so much more air would get into my lungs.
… I really like Dave.
It finally starts to work and I’m more than a little embarrassed. I’ve never had a panic attack before, but if it feels anything like that…
So I hurry myself into the bathroom (I spend a lot of time in there) to sort out my feelings, and now I’m 80% crying and 20% trying to get my breathing regulated. Everything burns and I’m shaking.
Body: Hey… so… things got a little out of hand.
Me: Leave me alone. I surrender, okay?
Body: We’re sorry. We didn’t mean for all that to happen.
Me: I’d like one class where I don’t have a nervous breakdown.
Body: Remember the first time you cried here?
Body: Out in the parking lot. You cried cuz you couldn’t make it halfway … doing half lunges.
Me: *sniffle* so?
Body: … well, you just sprinted up and down that bitch.
I rejoined the class and we had to do rotating 1,2s on the bags. I had to stop every so often, but Dave wouldn’t let me give up. He’d tell me to get right back in there.
And I would.
Just like that, the war was over. Mind and Body were gonna try to become a union. It’s the little victories. Every time I pick myself up, it’s another win. Every time I throw myself back into it, it’s another yard gained. I may not be an American Badass.
But I will be one day.
I’ll take it one little victory at a time.
I can do this.