A game for my ladies…

Alrighty, to all my ladies!  I wanna play a game.

I often talk to my gfs about things we find sexy… and usually we’re on the same page about things.  It amazes me how many times we as women, are turned on by things that (without the context we give it) are, in actuality, not sexual.

So, here’s the game… comment with something from a movie/tv show/song, whatever, that turned/turns you on, and why.

There is just one rule, it can’t be anything involving sex or nudity.  (i.e. “When ______ took his shirt off in ____”… that doesn’t count.)

As an example, I’ll start with an easy one.

Oh yeah… Hotness… but let me tell you why…

While this is a great speech… the only part I truly need, is from 0:55 – 1:06.

First of all, something you should know about me.  I have always, for as long as I can remember, had a weak spot in my knees (and other areas) for “wet white boy”… don’t ask me why, I just do.  So when the helmet comes off… BOOM! Wet Russell Crowe.  He’s fully dressed, not performing in any kind of sexual act, yet, 6 simple words had me like:

“Oh sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found yooooou!”

I included the whole clip, because of all the factors that come into play to making this such a turn on.  We all know what happened in the movie, so when finally coming face to face with the emperor, Maximus wants nothing more than to kill him.  He stalls momentarily, because of the presence of the young boy… but… he’s still thinking about it.  In the end, he doesn’t want to do anything that will harm the child.  However, there’s just so much a man can take, so… when that snotty little shit has the nerve to command him to turn around and tell him his name, he’s like…

“okay… you asked for it, you got it… Toyota.”

He gave his FULL name…. in LATIN… knowing that it would probably mean his immediate death.  But, guess what? He didn’t care.  He went on not only a full blown rant, but with a promise.  He said all the things everyone else was afraid to say, and he meant every word.  not even death was gonna stop him from doing what needed to be done, and THAT is what makes this the sexiest scene in this entire movie to me.

And did you see Lucilla at 1:09… made her come up out of her SEAT! I feel ya, girl.

Okay, your turn :D


A modest rant

I’ve always had a problem with downplaying my talents. Ever since I was little, I always hated braggarts (I even hate that word, sounds like I’m a pirate or something!) I hate people that think they are God’s gift… cuz, if you believe in that sort of thing… aren’t we all?

I hate people that are all “ooh look at meeee, I’m soooo wonderful!”

So I’ve always tried not to be that kind of person, lest I be taken for an asshole. Unfortunately, I’ve always gone in the complete opposite direction, and been entirely too modest. Any compliment I received was always met with a shy smile and some mumbled half thanks, half apology.


I’ve learned that modesty (like most things in life) is not black and white. And there are always degrees. I can be confident in my skills and talents, without thinking I’m better than everyone (or anyone). I’ve learned that it’s okay to say “I did an awesome job.” or to toot my own horn about something that I’m not only passionate about, but worked very hard at.

When people used to ask me about my book(s), I would always mumble out a “well, hopefully people will like it” or something similar.

Now, I can hold my head up and proudly say, “Yeah, I’m really proud of them, they’re very good!” and not feel douchey in the least. Why?


I’m supposed to think they’re good! I’m supposed to think they’re fantastic, otherwise, why would I put out something that’s just “eh”… I mean, who does that?!

I SHOULD think they’re awesome, I only spent four years of my life writing them. I’m not going to apologize or feel bad for following my dream, and doing something that grabbed ahold of my soul and makes me smile every time I think of this huge accomplishment.

I’ve had people ask me “Oh you’ve written books. Are you any good?”

Listen to me, everyone… no matter what it is you do for a living, for a hobby, for life… There is only ONE correct answer to that question. And, it is not “Well… I think so.”

Fuck that.

If you’re doing something you absolutely love, and you don’t think in the deepest recesses of your soul that you’re great at it… stop doing it IMMEDIATELY!

Now, what I’m talking about here is not the modest you, the you that is comparing yourself to everyone else out there who is doing it. I’m not talking to the you that thinks you’ll never be on a bestsellers list, or in a famous gallery or winning grammys.

No no, cuz honestly, all that is bullshit. I’m sorry, but it is. Would I love to be a bestselling author? Of course! In any society, there are bars of standards set, and every person deep down inside wants to reach those heights.

In all honesty though, it’s bullshit. With enough money, with enough people lobbying for you, you can make it to any of those heights, whether you deserve to be there or not.

Would you rather the whole world be talking about you, or would you rather be spoken of with admiration?

Those two are not mutually exclusive.

I’m talking to the person who is making something, creating something. I’m talking to the person who can’t go to sleep because their project isn’t finished, the person who is so excited that they can’t do anything else, because of what is in them bursting to get out.

THAT person, who loves what it is their doing… there’s no way you can tell me, you don’t think you’re great at it.

Validation IS great… but it’s not what makes you great.

If a tree falls in a forest, but no one is around to hear it…

stop worrying about whether or not it makes a sound. Focus on the fact that even if no one hears it, it’s still a tree.

Whether you ever get recognized or awarded, you’re every bit a writer, painter, singer, musician as anyone else. A work of art can come from kings and vagabonds alike. So yes, you ARE great!

Never let anyone tell you different.

Especially you.

Kindred Spirits by May Torres

I was a little hesitant about reading Kindred Spirits, because I’m not much for certain aspects of the horror genre.  But, knowing May Torres, I trusted that she would let me know which pages I might want to skip.

She did not.

What is worse, she managed to pack every bit of all the things that make me squirm into 168 pages.  That being said, I’m very glad I read it!

Kindred spirits is a collection of short stories that actually connect with one another in an amazing way.  One thing that makes it the most frightening, is most of the horrible things that happen, occur in quiet suburban neighborhoods.  I KNOW RIGHT! You will never look at your neighbors the same again, I guarantee you.

The writing is fast paced and easy to follow.  The brilliance comes through with how each story is connected.  Characters you thought were good, you find out that they’re maybe not so good, and vice versa.  The great thing is, everyone is flawed in some way, so the lines get blurred a lot throughout the book.

There’s every type of horror you can imagine.  There’s psychological horror, paranormal horror, and just plain old somebody-turn-the-lights-on scares.  There’s even the possibility for May Torres to continue this into a series, and I hope she does because something like this could be the next season of American Horror Story, or even have its own series.  I’d totally watch Kindred Spirits on HBO! (or Starz or FX)

If you haven’t gotten your copy yet, please visit Amazon.com immediately! It’s available in paperback and on the Kindle (and coming soon to the Nook)

Oh That Mayhem

I’m sitting here in my office, on what will probably be the longest Friday in history, and I had to write a quick post about my best friend.

She may not know it (or she probably does… she’s crafty like that)  but the last few days, I’ve felt crazy (yeah yeah, I’ve felt crazy for more than the last few days… but let’s just say, it’s gotten worse)

I’ve always had the problem of letting the world get to me… but it’s getting worse … the world and the problem, that is…

okay see… this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about… I’m trying to compose myself enough to explain to you exactly what has just happened while I was typing this post.

My phone rang and I answered it and on the line is an admin from another area, trying to set up a meeting.  I’m like okay… so far so good… until I realize there’s a lot of shuffling, and muttering… and I realize she’s reading… she’s reading the emails to find out exactly what she’s supposed to be doing… because, it would be UNTHINKABLE that you know what you want BEFORE you call someone!

So I get to listen to her reading off of emails… then, she figures she should probably get to the task at hand, so asks me when my boss would be available for next week.  I look and give her a couple of dates and time and each time I’m met with “ehhhh…. that won’t be good” until finally…. FINALFUCKINGLY! (new word… pass it on) she decides that it would behoove her to mention “well you know, only Monday really works for my boss”

THEN WHY THE FU…. **deep breath… gag…. exhale**

Okay… well on Monday… we can do this time…

I think I should mention that this whole time… whether real or perceived, she’s acting as though I’m kinda the hold up for all of this….

So we agree on a time… she hangs up…. calls me back 12 seconds later “Um, what was your name again?”

**eye twitch**…. thats okay… she probably needs it so she can add me on the appointment and keep me in the loop

… not so much… she wanted it so she could email me everything we just said… so I can make my own appointment… that’s totally easier

That’s the kind of stuff I’m talking about.  I’ve been feeling like I’m truly losing it lately.  I went to visit a friend last night, and going through the subdivision, where all the houses are like every other 3rd house and there’s this tiny road that you can only drive 25 mph on and its only big enough for one car at a time, and both cars have to stop in the road because some yuppie suburbanite is riding his bicycle with full reflective gear and flashing headlight in the MIDDLE of the “road”and you pass the mom that’s walking all the neighborhood kids and the 2 dogs and I just want to do something bad.

I was literally driving to her house, through her subdivision thinking… I wanna do something bad to someone, and I immediately felt guilty even though, I didn’t wanna hurt anyone… I didn’t wanna break any laws… I just wanted to do something bad to someone… like throw a really tightly packed snowball at someone’s shin…in the middle of summer… while they’re wearing shorts…and watering their lawn, and it would cause them to fall and when they did, they would hit the soft part of their knee on the metal end of the hose… not actually breaking skin… just that mashing pain… you know like just elaborately vaguely mean things!

It’s starting to get scary, cuz I feel… crazy… just like really crazy… it makes me sad and angry at the same time and more than a little scared.  I’ve been having crazy nightmares lately and just generally had a sucky attitude towards the universe at large.

At times… everything seems so fucking ridiculous and useless and more often than not, I find myself throwing my head in my hands and either muttering to myself or out loud (depending on the proximity of whoever I’m talking about)








at least once a day, that thought runs through my head, accompanied by:

“wow you’re so full of shit”

“do you EVER shut up”

“oh lord what do YOU want”

and the list goes on.  There’s just so much… hatred and injustice in the world. And the things we’re concerned with… they truly mean NOTHING.  Headlines that are so completely opposite find themselves side by side as if equally important.  It becomes maddening.  We’re all suffocating in the masks we all wear.  My ability to recognize the masks of others, coupled with my refusal to reveal them, becomes MY mask… and sometimes, I feel like I’m drowning over here… Does anybody else see this?

Which gets me to my point (finalfuckingly right?)

I drown, on a daily basis, in this sea of inanity (and no, i didn’t mean to type insanity).  Constantly, I’m trapped by nothingness, held prisoner in a vortex of vapidity.  Imagine being in the middle of the desert, except with no sand.  Imagine seeing nothing but wide open spaces.  There are no bars, no doors, no locks.  So it would stand to reason that you’re free to go… but you can’t move.   You’re paralyzed.  The more you look out, and see nothing, the easier it is to believe that maybe there’s nothing out there to see, so even if you’re no longer paralyzed, you still don’t move, cuz there’s nowhere to go.

(I swear guys, when I started out it wasn’t supposed to get this dark. I meant for this post to be a sweet, feel good post about my best friend… I’m gonna try to salvage this)

So, every morning, when I sit down at my desk, I open the same programs  every day.  And when I open Yahoo messenger, the first person I message is her.  “morning mayhem” sometimes it’s capitalized, sometimes it’s in all caps… depending on how I’m feeling… and I go through my days, snatching moments of happiness like a video game.  You can see them coming and you grab at them, knowing if you can get enough, you’ll power up, and you can face the rest.  And then, every now and then, you get a glittering mushroom, or a flashing cherry, or a bouncing banana.

A powerup… all on its own…

You didn’t have to collect 100 coins or rings or clear all the bricks

It’s just there… because the creator of the game thinks you deserve a fighting chance, thinks you deserve an edge, cuz there’s so many spaceships and ghosts and little spike-shelled turtles out to get you.  and it’s just you out there… and there’s so many dots to gobble, and so many pipes to slide down and so many barrels to jump… and at any moment, you could hear that sad music, and see “game over” flashing… taunting you.

They gave me Mayhem.  So on a day where I feel my throat closing up… which is good cuz I just might throw up from all the anxiety I feel pressing down on me… somehow, we’ll start a conversation about call girls… one that will end with her saying

“So that’s why I’m poor.”

and I’ll look at that phrase (or one like that) on my screen and every vile part of me, and every broken part of me, and every beaten part of me, and ever evil bone in my body and every inch of over sensitive skin, will all break out in laughter at the same time, and it’ll ring down the hallway, and my body will shake until it hurts, and tears will roll down my cheeks and I will throw my head back and slide down until my neck rests on the top of my chair and I will just laugh and laugh

and I will take comfort in the fact that everyone down that hall, probably thinks I am crazy… without realizing how lucky they are… because thanks to her, I’m a hysterically laughing crazy… which is a much better crazy than the one I started out as that morning.

Moral of the story: somebody nominate this chick for a nobel… cuz she has saved lives

(and seriously though… let’s get finalfuckingly trending!)

Weight Watchers Day 7

Okay… Day of Truth…

I woke up feeling pretty good, because no matter what the scale said today, I got through my first week of reevaluating how I think about food, and survived my first week of weight watchers.  Of course, during this week, I didn’t eat like I normally did, but I was never starving, and even got a chance to eat some of my favorite things.

I got up, and had myself a bowl of Frosted mini wheats, with my 2% organic milk lol.  Then I resumed my painting job from the day before.  I knew that later that night, I’d be having company over, and had already resolved to get pizza.  I’d already done my research and realized I could actually have 2 slices of pizza and not break the point bank, so I was excited about that.

After another 3 hours of painting, I grabbed a Smart Ones slow roasted turkey breast… which was QUITE good.  The turkey was juicy and tender and flavorful and the potatoes were well seasoned and really good when you scoop them over into the gravy after you eat the turkey lol



As time goes on, I’ll get more adept at making my own food, but I get so worried about accurately calculating my points, but … one step at a time.

I snagged a yogurt later on after painting for a while (and another chess square)

That evening, it was time.  I know you should really weigh in the morning… but the last time I weighed was in the evening, and I wanted to get an accurate portrayal.

Now, I signed up for weight watchers on a Monday, because Sunday night, I got on the scale and it said 197… and I just wanted to cry.  I looked in the mirror… and was not happy with what I saw… and all I wanted to do at that point… was eat something comforting.  I went to bed sad (and a lil bit hungry).  When I woke up the next morning, it hadn’t changed.  I still wanted to cry… but more than that… I wanted to try.

So here it is a week later… I get on that scale, and I wanna cry again…

because the scale says 193.

I did it.  I survived my first week, and it worked.  I know I cant expect to lose 4 lbs every week.  I know at some point I’ll plateau and have to work harder and add more things (exercise and such) but for right now… I’m happy… that night, I had a glass of chardonnay (ONE glass)  I had 2 slices of cheese pizza from a local pizzeria that doesn’t douse everything in grease.  I had a greek salad and I went to bed hopeful… and ready for another week

Luv ;*

Weight Watchers Day 6

Saturday! The weekend!  I’m excited cuz I have quite a few of my “cheat” points left, which I think I might splurge on this weekend.  With sleeping in and getting some stuff done, I actually skipped breakfast, but I also went grocery shopping to get some more things to keep me on track.  Plus, I needed more 2% organic milk lol. I stocked up on some grapes and switched to lowfat cottage cheese (yes I can totally taste a difference but eh.  I wonder if I can find some organic cottage cheese… hmm.. memo to me…) Smart Ones were on sale, so I grabbed a couple of those since I wanted to try the breakfast ones anyway.

I also got myself one little cheat indulgence.  Chess Squares… oh… it’s like a glorious gooey cheesecake square glazed with sugar and sprinkled with crack and fairy dust… just… mind altering.  I found my pupils dilating at the thought of them.  After putting them in my calculator, I discovered they were 6 points a square.  TOTALLY worth it though.  So I got home, and popped a square in my mouth… and floated off into 6 point bliss!

Saturday was to be my bad day.

Then I had a lovely lunch of Pasta Alfredo and Veggies courtesy of Green Giant Steamers.  It was filling and not too heavy on the points (10 points for lunch)

After that, I went outside and earned myself some activity points for 3 hours worth of painting (oh yeah… rack it up!)

Later that evening I made a nice dinner of steak, potatoes and green beans.  Instead of making the steak and drowning it in gravy as I normally would’ve done.  I slow cooked it and just loaded up on seasoning and flavoring … which me (and hubby for that matter) both enjoyed.  So, I’m learning how to cook a little healthier as well.

I finished off my night with a scoop of Blue Bunny No Sugar Added Butter Pecan ice cream at 6 points for a serving using up a few of my cheat points

Luv ;*